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McMILLAN & WIFE:  Once Upon A Dead Man
The Stolen Sarcophagus   (7 of 10)

During an auction of many rare, expensive items, a small Egyptian sarcophagus is stolen from a secure vault while another item was being bid on. Someone knocked a hole through a brick wall, leading to a narrow utility tunnel, but checking the obvious route it becomes obvious no one could have gotten the item away in the time involved.

NO, this isn't an episode of BANACEK-- it's the pilot for McMILLAN AND WIFE! The NBC Mystery Movies, which consisted of rotating series of TV movies in either a 90-minute or 2-hour time slots, debuted on a Wednesday night in September 1971. Most of the 90-minute episodes were preceded by a 2-hour pilot that aired around 6 months earlier. But oddly, McMILLAN AND WIFE's pilot debuted on a Friday night, just 2 days after the 1st season of the rotating series premiered, with the first regular episode airing only 2 weeks later. While researching these shows, I found this very odd, as M&W may be the only "Mystery Movie" series whose pilot didn't air months before the rest of the episodes. Perhaps this explains why it was one of the very few I managed to see when it was first-run. Of the 3 "main" series, the others being McCLOUD and COLUMBO, M&W was the only one I actually saw right from the beginning. I was instantly hooked.

Looking back on it decades later, this is unquestinably the most "low-key" and "laid-back" of the 3 main series, something I'm not sure I actually noticed back then (it takes a lot to be more laid-back than COLUMBO!). I think the main draw of this series has always been the 2 main characters. Rock Hudson (various Doris Day films, ICE STATION ZEBRA and THE MIRROR CRACK'D) is brand-new San Francisco Police Commissioner Stewart McMillan, who we're told spent 12 years practicing criminal law. (Perry Mason never looked this young and handsome-- not even in the 1930s PM movies.) Susan Saint James (THE NAME OF THE GAME, LOVE AT FIRST BITE) is his younger, vivacious and somewhat flaky wife "Sally", daughter of a famed criminologist ("Fred Hall"), who grew up around crime-solving and has it in her blood. The easiest way to describe this is a 70s reincarnation of "Nick & Nora Charles"-- except, without all the drinking, and with LOT more sex. "G"-rated TV sex, to be sure, but I can scarcely think of another married TV couple from that era who spent so much time winding up in bed together. I've probably been looking for a girl like her for the last 52 years.

Also in the cast is John Schuck (the movie M*A*S*H, STAR TREK 4 and STAR TREK 6) as Sgt. Charles Enright, as good-natured an assistant as anyone could ever possibly want. The pilot also features James Wainright as "John Patterson", the ex-con chauffer; Jack Albertson (CHICO & THE MAN) as Police Chief Andrew Yeakel (who has the chauffer at the top of his list of suspects; the part was recast in later episodes); and Linda Watkins as "Emily Hull", Sally's mother (who disappeared after 3 1st season episodes).

The series was created by Leonard Stern, who had previously been in charge of another show involving a happily-married couple: GET SMART.

The guest-cast, as on many of the Mystery Movies, is top-notch. Herb Edelman (STRIKE FORCE) is "Gregory Constantine", in charge of the auction house and perpetually annoyed at Sally's presence; Rene Auberjonois (M*A*S*H, DEEP SPACE NINE) as "Andre Stryker", a flamboyant producer of failed stage plays; Kurt Kasznar (LAND OF THE GIANTS and the 1959 NERO WOLFE pilot) as "Edmond Corday", an antique dealer; and Jonathan Harris (THE THIRD MAN, LOST IN SPACE) as "Mr. Wortzel", the auctioneer. Harris really gets to shine in his part, being his usually fussy self without over-doing it the way he did too often when he played "Dr. Smith". (He's the only actor in this I ever got to see once in person, at a sci-fi convention, where he held a room of fans absolutely mesmerized with his hilarious stories.)

As I said, most of this is VERY low-key, people standing around or walking around as bits and pieces of the mystery slowly, almost painfully come together. But then right in the middle, there's this incredible high-speed chase over the streets and steep hills of San Francisco-- on BICYCLES. When in the course of a foot chase the 2 men involved suddenly STOLE the bikes, I was reminded of the climax of COOGAN'S BLUFF (1968), except, in there, it was motorcycles. It also seems like a tribute to the car chase in BULLITT (also 1968), except, somehow, more insane.

And then of course, there's the climax, when Stewart figures out WHERE the missing coffin really is, and WHO stole it-- before he and Sally are nearly killed by the culprit, which leads into a frantic knock-down drag-out fight between Stewart & the bad guy.

I keep wondering how and why this pilot aired so late in relation to the start of the 1st season. Also, if I seem less than thrilled in some of my descriptions, keep in mind that for much of its run, I loved this show far more than I did COLUMBO. Most of these I haven't seen since they were first-run. Now, thanks to the miracle of DVD box sets, I'm able to relive watching the NBC Mystery Movies all over again, in the order they were broadcast. I'm so looking forward to it.

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McMILLAN & WIFE:  Murder By The Barrel
The Corpse Vanishes   (8 of 10)

Mac & Sally are moving into their new house, and Sally is driving the movers crazy marking cute smiley faces on her barrels. But once the movers drive off, she realizes they accidentally switched one of hers with someone else's. And, it's leaking. So she opens it and finds... A DEAD BODY. Of course. She races next door to call the cops, but by the time they arrive, the barrel with the corpse is nowhere to be found. And so begins a long, involved, convoluted tracking down of every possible connection, trying to find the body, find out WHO it is, oh, yeah, and find out WHO killed the guy.

This episode, which I believe I haven't seen since it was first-run (52 YEARS ago!) really reminded me of just how much I loved McMILLAN & WIFE when it was originally on. COLUMBO tended to be too low-key for me at times, and McCLOUD (my favorite) was a mix of action & humor, but this show was something else. The pilot was just too long and padded-out, but at an hour and 15 minutes, this episode had just the right pacing and mix of mystery, action, comedy and romance. Honestly, I can't remember ever seeing another show from that era where you had a married couple who were SO much in love, and spent so much time hopping in and out of bed. And in one hilarious sequence, when they get a hotel room, both the manager and Mac's faithful aide Sgt. Enright mistakenly think the Commissioner was there with some OTHER woman! It's even more of a revelation when Sally indicates they were getting hotel rooms this way BEFORE they were married. For 1971 TV, that was downright revolutionary.

At the 36-minute mark, Mildred the maid (Nancy Walker) makes her debut, and proves to be quite a contrast in look and personality to Sally.

Among the guest-cast are Kenneth Mars (THE PRODUCERS) as the owner of the shipping company, David Huddleston (BLAZING SADDLES) as one of the movers, and the ever-delightful Vito Scotti (THE FLYING NUN), who almost managed to be without his usual accent.

The script was by Oliver Hailey, who wound up writing 9 episodes and was story editor for seasons 2 & 3. The director was John Astin (THE ADDAMS FAMILY), who came back in several episodes as "Skyes", the coroner. Some years back, I'd noted Astin had directed the pilot of ROSETTI & RYAN, which really stood out as one of the best murder mysteries I'd seen from the late 70s (a period when too much of network TV was watered-down, dull, boring & unwatchable).

By story's end, I was feeling really sorry for Sgt. Enright. He's so loyal and hard-working and uncomplaining, even when it looks like he's losing two whole night's sleep in a row. Mac (Rock Hudson) had a haircut since the pilot (where it was absurdly-long for a Police Commissioner), and his near-infinite patience and love for Sally is on display throughout. Sally remains, as Mac called her in the pilot, "a nut, but my nut". She's ADORABLE, and it baffles me how over the decades I could ever have forgotten just how much I liked her back in the 70s. (I guess that can happen when you don't see a show for over 45 years.)

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McMILLAN & WIFE:  The Easy Sunday Murder Case
The Dog Show Murder Case   (6 of 10)

An extremely eccentric friend of Sally's mother is upset. She's received a ransom demand reading, "We have the one you love." They're demanding $100,000 to return... her Pekingese. Oh, yeah, and they nabbed her husband too. But who cares about HIM? He's not even in the will.

Mac picks up a terrible sneeze, but it takes him 40 minutes into the story before realizes that A)he's allergic to the perfume used on the dog, and, B)he had sneazing fits in the vet's office. Therefore, either the vet or his assistant must be involved.

But then the woman turns up dead, and her lavish penthouse apartment has been ransacked. Yet, the kidnappers still want the money. What's going on here?

This plot, which played out like a screwball comedy on steroids, seemed to defy any logical story structure I've seen before. Yet in the back of my mind, I sensed it might be a variation on the COLUMBO episode, "Ransom For A Dead Man", which involved a fake kidnapping but a real murder. Turns out I was right. (But watch the episode to see how.)

This one featured June Havoc as "Francesca Fairborn", who's madly in love with her dog, but dismisses her husband as a "gold-digger", and stuns Mac & Sally when she tells the kidnappers over the phone she's "not interested" in getting her husband back. I wondered at that moment if she didn't have her husband killed (like in the earlier COLUMBO episode). Her lawyer is such an eccentric crackpot himself, I began to wonder if HE was involved in the crime. Then there's Wally Cox (MR. PEEPERS, UNDERDOG) as the vet, who arrogantly dismisses the cops when they arrive to ask him questions. I have to admit, this thing really kept me guessing for awhile.

Also on hand are Linda Watkins in her 2nd appearance as Sally's mother (who we learn is criminally-awful in the kitchen), and Paul Stewart, making his debut as "Chief of Police Andy Yaekel" (replacing Jack Albertson from the pilot). Enright & Mildred are on hand as usual, adding color commentary.

Mac & Sally remain a gloriously in love couple, the likes of which I bet many (if not most) people wish they were part of in their own lives.

While all this is going on, there is one subplot that distracted and infuriated me for the entire length of the story. It seems Mac has decided, as Police Commissioner, to crack down on traffic problems, by insisting that off-duty policemen get tickets like everyone else. Fair enough. But when, upset because the woman whose husband has been snatched flat out REFUSES to allow the police to be involved, he winds up getting pulled over for speeding, the officer in charge, once he's assured it's okay to give a ticket to THE COMMISSIONER, suddenly becomes very arrogant about confiscating his DRIVER'S LICENSE, which will be returned at his court hearing. WHAT??? I have never heard such an INSANE thing in my life! So Mac is barred from driving until he goes to court, and Sally has to do all his driving for him. But this flies in the face of all logic. For most traffic violations, one has the choice to pay the ticket by mail, or, go to court to FIGHT it. Forcing everyone who gets a ticket to have to go to court would clog up the court system worse than it already is, and even in cases (such as two I was involved in over the years) where you had to go to court, how are you supposed to get there (or to your job) if you're NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE? I cannot believe such a thing was ever the law anywhere, let alone in San Francisco in 1971. I wanted to throttle the writer over this. Otherwise, I might have given this one a higher rating.

The arrogant traffic cop was played by Joey Foreman, who I'll always remember as "Harry Hoo" from GET SMART. One more connection with that show. That and M&W were both from the same production company, and Leonard Stern was GET SMART's executive producer for its first 86 episodes!

It struck me that the title of the story, "The Easy Sunday Murder Case", was a tribute to "The Kennel Murder Case", arguably the single BEST Philo Vance movie ever made. That film starred the best of all the Philo actors, William Powell, who later played "Nick Charles" in 6 movies that clearly were the inspiration for THIS series. And every Vance story had "The whatever Murder Case" as the title, with the whatever being a word with 6 letters (in this case, "Sunday"). But I like Susan Saint James a LOT more than Myrna Loy!

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McMILLAN & WIFE:  Husbands, Wives And Killers
The Costume Party Jewel Robbery   (5 of 10)

No, it's not THE PINK PANTHER, but it sure made me think the writer had that in mind.

In the most off-kilter, confusing episode so far, a former client of Mac's (from when he was a defense attourney) warns Mac there's going to be a robbery... but gets the house wrong, and when the police arrive, the house has been broken into, the safe is open, but nothing appears to be stolen. But due to gossip squeezed out of a reluctant Sally, he finds several people in his social circle are having financial troubles, and begins to suspect the very-expensive necklace in the safe may be a fake... despite the jeweler who made it special insisting it's real ("I know my own work.") All of this revolves around a costume party Mac refuses to get dressed for... until his Chief of Police insists, as part of an undercover stake-out. Sure enough, not only is there a robbery during the party, but also a shooting, followed by a chase on foot, all climaxing in the real culprit openly threatening to murder Sally for knowing too much. OY!

Was there ever a Police Commissioner who did so much actual dangerous policework himself? Was there ever a more obviously-happy married couple on TV? Was there ever an episode with more completely-insane dialogue (outside of a GET SMART)? I'm sure writer Robert Lewin meant it all to be hilarious, but, frankly, the only laugh I got out of this one was the scene where Mac throws Sally over his shoulder and carries her upstairs to the bedroom. Lewin only did two 1st-season M&Ws, but he also did four 1st-season STAR TREK: TNGs, which may explain some things. Let's just say I wish I enjoyed this one a lot more than I did.

For the 2nd story in a row, Mac (the POLICE COMMISSIONER!) is pulled over by his own cops for SPEEDING. Tsk! And, once again, poor Sgt. Enright is repeatedly interrupted by phone calls just as he's about to do something important (like eating). I would hope that Mac would be giving that guy regular raises in salary, for all the determined loyalty above and beyond whatever that he keeps displaying.

The guest cast this time included Cesare Danova (ANIMAL HOUSE), Lorraine Gary (JAWS, 1941), Tyne Daly (THE ENFORCER, though I must admit I didn't recognize her in this), John Abbott (STAR TREK, LOST IN SPACE, THE SAINT IN LONDON) and Monte Landis (THE MONKEES-- in a bizarre bit of type-casting, the guy who once played "Mr. Zero" shows up at the party dressed in a DEVIL costume).

This "mystery" show sure had a LOT more action in it than COLUMBO... sometimes, more than McCLOUD! As usual, my focus is often on Sally (Susan Saint James). After not seeing most of these since they were first-run (more than 50 years ago), I'm reminded of just how adorable I always found her to be, and the fact that if I ever met someone like her in real life, I could fall for her so easily.

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McMILLAN & WIFE:  Death Is A Seven Point Favorite
The Football Betting Murder Case   (6 of 10)

Mac & Sally befriend football quarterback Billy Benton, who made a pass at her before learning she was married. But soon a young "gofer" at the stadium is mysteriously murdered, and the investigation suggests illegal football betting was involved, especially when it's learned someone placed a $75,000 bet against the team. Bodies start piling up before Mac figures out which of multiple suspects might be behind it all, and it climaxes when the killer tries to murder both Mac & Sally at the empty stadium!

I'll admit, I'm not big into sports, especially football, yet even I could follow what was going on during scenes when the teams were playing. This was John Astin's 2nd time directing a M&W story, and I've seen enough of his work to know he was every bit as good a director as he was an actor! The guest cast includes Jackie Coogan, who Astin worked with on THE ADDAMS FAMILY.

Don Stroud (COOGAN'S BLUFF, JOE KIDD, MIKE HAMMER, LICENSE TO KILL) is "Billy Benton", who is either the top suspect or someone the real killer is trying to frame. Sally's faith in him inspires Mac to believe in him as well, and the growing friendship between the three is rather heart-warming.

John Anderson (who had a long career, mostly in westerns) is "Sandy King", the sports commentator who seems to be around too often when bad things happen.

Andrew Duggan (51 episodes of LANCER) is team owner "Harlan Royce", who acts as a weird sort of comic relief when he keeps asking for a cigarette despite his insistence that he's trying to quit.

Peter Bonerz (THE BOB NEWHART SHOW) is a rather pushy hair-stylist (DON'T call him a "barber"!) who aggressively gives Sgt. Enright a "make-over" that winds up having him resemble a pudgy John Kennedy!

Once again, for a Police Commissioner, Stuart McMillan gets into more action, more scrapes, more running and fighting and shooting than it seems a normal Police Commissioner ever should (certainly, BATMAN's Jim Gordon would never do all this stuff). Meanwhile, it struck me that between her hairdo, and nearly every one of the outfits she wore in this story, that Sally DOESN'T look at all like she did in every previous episode to this point. It's not until the final scene when we see her wearing a football jersey (in bed, where else?) that I could be sure it was the same Sally. I have to keep saying it. I just think she's ADORABLE.

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McMILLAN & WIFE:  The Face Of Murder
The Unidentified Jewel Thief Caper   (5 of 10)

For the 2nd episode this season, the plot involves a series of jewel thefts at expensive parties, where the identical list of jet-setters always turn up. A retired boxer friend of Mac's says he saw the mysterious "Dutchman" once, and could identify him if he ever saw him again. Soon after, someone tries to shoot the guy dead with a machine-gun while they're flying in a small plane across the desert, injuring the pilot and forcing Mac to try to land it safely. Next, Sally is kidnapped, with a demand that Mac swap the boxer for his wife. During the swap, the kidnappers try to run the man down, miss, but he winds up getting shot dead by accident by a police officer. WHAT? I wondered about this, until Sally got the idea to hold a "real Irish wake" in his memory, Mac had a surprised look on his face about it, and Enright says, "Isn't that the kind that has an OPEN casket?"

Sure enough, Mac had his men fake the "accident", the boxer is alive, and will get a try to identify the unusually-murderous jewel thief. And meanwhile, Sally goes to insane lengths trying to identify a perfume (or is it a cologne?) worn by one of her kidnappers. If the phrase, "Who writes this stuff?" comes to mind, join the club.

A wide and varied guest cast includes Claude Akins (RIO BRAVO), Edward Andrews (SIXTEEN CANDLES), Hazel Court (THE RAVEN), Jon Cypher (HILL STREET BLUES), Richard Deacon (THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW), Dick Wilson (Charmin' commercials), Stafford Repp (BATMAN), Robert Dowdell (VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA), Barbara Rhodes (SOAP) and Sidney Klute (McCLOUD). I suppose a big enough crowd of decent actors can sometimes make up for deficiencies in a script.

As usual, the regulars are always top-notch. Nancy Walker gets smashed at the wake, John Schuck is amazingly efficient, Rock Hudson gets to BEAT THE CRAP out of a couple people involved in his wife's kidnapping, and Susan St. James is just ADORABLE-- as usual. The tense scene where Mac tries to land a plane reminded me that not long after, Rock Hudson played a WW1 biplane fighter pilot in the movie DARLING LILI. (Am I the only one who genuinely LIKED that film?)

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McMILLAN & WIFE:  Till Death Do Us Part
There Must Be An Easier Way To Commit A Double-Murder   (7 of 10)

A serial killer known on the news as 'The Asylum Killer', who likes to make his victims die slowly, has baffled the police, and a particularly-obnoxious news-caster is really getting on The Commissioner's nerves. So no sooner does Mac insists an arrest will be 'imminent', then the killer sends a letter claiming his next crime will have two victims simultaneously.

Sally, returning from a restaurant that Mac did not arrange to have dinner at, slowly discovers that all sharp objects in the house have been stolen. Meanwhile, someone has managed to get Mildred, Sally's mother, and Sergeant Enright out of town at the same time. What can it all mean? The part I found infuriating was that Mac DOESN'T call his own police force in to at least scan the house for fingerprints, or, get himself and Sally out of there.

There's a subplot involving a seeming prowler tampering with their trash cans. The resolution to this also made me want to smack someone. If a harried husband only has 4 trash cans, but needs 5, WHY can't he just go BUY another one? (This is the kind of thing one might just barely accept on an episode of GET SMART-- not M&W.)

I'm be honest. I gave this a higher rating than it probably deserved, only because, of the entire 1st season, this was the only story I really vividly remembered from when I saw it first-run. While most episodes of M&W are complex, confusing puzzles, this was more a simple SLOW-BURN of building suspense, right up to the finale.

Seriously, though-- both Sally & Enright should have known better than to take at face value messages allegedly from Mac that were "not his style".

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McMILLAN & WIFE:  “An Elementary Case Of Murder”
The Philandering Husband Murder Case   (5 of 10)

Sally is pregnant! And just then, an old (and formerly-serious) girlfriend of Mac's calls to ask for help, because her abusive, cheating and embezzling husband wants a divorce. That's when the cops suddenly show up, having found evidence-- including a tape-recording-- that indicate she may have murdered her husband. The problem is, nobody can find a body. Both the D. A. and Sgt. Enright think she's guilty, but Mac believes she isn't, and goes far beyond the call of duty to find evidence that he's right.

McMillan & Wife often had some very unique mysteries in its run, and I'd say this was definitely another one... except for 2 things. One: just 3 WEEKS earlier, COLUMBO had an episode where no one could find the body, so most people didn't believe there even was a murder. Two: it seems writer Brad Ranitz actually REUSED his script for a 1968 episode of IRONSIDE and expanded it here. The nerve of some people!

I also suspect Radnitz may have been at least partially paying tribute to a bit of Chandler's "The Big Sleep", as we never see the murder victim, and, another murder victim's body is found in a lake.

Martin E. Brooks makes his first of 6 appearances as "District Attorney Chapman", who accuses Mac of being too personally involved, and warns him that if the press come looking for him, he'll eagerly point them right at Mac.

Michael Ansara (STAR TREK: "Day Of The Dove") is "Ben Matthews", a nightclub owner who may have had reasons to kill the missing husband.

Selma Diamond (NIGHT COURT) has a cameo as a gas station attendant questioned about 2 missing people.

Barbara McNair (THEY CALL ME MISTER TIBBS!, THE ORGANIZATION), a singer in real life as she was in this story, is Mac's old flame "Lee Richards". Reading her bio, it's shocking just how close to home this episode would prove to be, as her real-life husband was murdered by the mob in late 1976, and the following year her accountant was charged with embezzling.

When this episode was made, Susan St. James was pregnant. Rather than hide it or write her out of the episode, her pregnancy was made a big part of the story. Yet when the show returned the next season, it was never mentioned. We have to assume there was a miscarriage, but it really makes you question the integrity of either the producers or the network, who insisted this episode be made after production for the season had officially ended.

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McMILLAN & WIFE:  Night Of The Wizard
“Why did you murder me?”   (6 of 10)

Mac & Sally are invited to a seance at which a murdered man appears accusing his widow of the crime! Mac, refusing to believe in ghosts, wracks his brain for most of the story, trying to figure out who could be impersonating the dead man, who benefitted from his death, would benefit from driving his widow insane, and... is the dead man REALLY dead in the first place?

You know, if they'd swapped this story and the next one, this could have easily aired as a HALLOWEEN episode.

Sharon Acker is "Evie Kendall", the grieving widow. I had to look her up before I realized I'd seen her in a STAR TREK and 2 episodes of HEC RAMSEY.

Paul Richards is "Dr. Eli Spake", who's trying his best to help Evie avoid a nervous breakdown. Every time I see his face or hear his voice, I'm always reminded the most memorable line the actor ever spoke in his career was, "Glory be to the bomb and to the holy fallout" (from BENEATH THE PLANET OF THE APES).

Cameron Mitchell is "Harry Hastings", a semi-retired stage magician who admits he's in love with the widow. When spooky stuff happens at night designed to scare Sally, it became a bit too obvious that he was probably involved. (The previous season, he'd played a man who faked his own death in the McCLOUD episode, "Somebody's Out To Get Jennie".)

Eileen Brennan is "Nora Dane", friend of the family, who may know more than she says. I always mostly remember her for THE CHEAP DETECTIVE (1978) with Peter Falk.

Martin E. Brooks makes his 2nd appearances as "Deputy D. A. Chapman", convinced Evie DID kill her husband, accuses Mac of helping a murderess go free, and hopes to hit her with at least a purjury charge.

John Astin makes his debut as "Skyes", the eccentric police scientist who tries to determine if the body they buried a year earlier is in fact Evie's husband, or not. I always enjoyed him on this show, and was surprised that he didn't appear in that many episodes.

Philip Carey is "Arthur Kendall", the dead husband (or is he?) seen (mostly) in flashbacks. In the 1950s, he starred as PHILIP MARLOWE on TV.

This episode opens with a high-speed chase (WHAT, AGAIN???), once more causing me to ask, "WHY is the Police Commissioner taking part in chasing a bad guy?" I guess Mac must really like being that involved. Later, as Mac works to figure out the mystery, I'm reminded that this show really tended to have some of the most unusual murder mysteries ever seen on TV, and it's clear that Mac's mind does not work like normal people's. There's Charlie Chan, there's Hercule Poirot, and then there's Stewart McMillan-- and each of these characters' thought processes are unique. Time and again, when a new twist is revealed, or a new plot point suddenly figured out, it feels like my head is exploding as I watch. It's no wonder I like this show.

Sally, oddly, doesn't get to do much in this one, except look beautiful. I was reminded that, when this episode was made, Susan St. James had only recently become a new mother in real life. (But, very strangely, this was not reflected in the series-- despite Sally being pregnant in the PREVIOUS story. I guess there was a miscarriage.)