Davy Crockett's Almanack 1846

If ever a set o' blood-thirsty human critters were suddenaciously sucked an astonished to stupification, it war a party o' Mexican scouts that got arter me an my pet barr "Death Hug," detarmined to take us both alive an exhibit us as the ninth wonder o' creation.

You see, I had jist mounted Death Hug, an 'were travellin at about twenty miles an hour, with some important news to General Houston, when a party o' snake eyed Mexican scouts seed me comin, and commenced surroundin me for instanter captivation; they couldn't bear the idea o' killin two sich tempten curiosities o' natur, so they closed up with pinted 'gun prongs, thinkin to make us surrender in course; but I gin him a tickle under the fore paw, an he jumped clar over thar heads, an put off like a whirlwind.

Dreckly a hull squad o' twenty more headed us with thar gun prong help up so tarnal high that Death Hug couldn't come it, but seein a hickory tree right between us, I jist wheeled Death Hug around instanterly, pinted up the tree, an take me for a two-legged Rhinocerous, if the crittur didn't walk up that are trunk with me on his back about as slick as a painter goin up to roost, ran out the limb on to another tree, an another, an down agin, a then made off clar, jist as they war shootin into No. 1.

If ever any body seed a complete Menagerie, or a nat'ral Zoological Institute, it war when I called all my wild pets together that I had tamed into perfect civilization, an took 'em out under the old Liberty Tree to celebrate the Great Lord's Day of Freedom, the FOURTH OF JULY.

You see, the critturs all got around me, jist as nat'ral as my young Crockett's at home, an when I begun my oration, they opened thar eyes and ears in the most teetotal attentive manner, an showed a tarnal sight more respect and parlamentary breeding than the members o' Congress show to one another durin thar speeches; an when I concluded by liften my cap, with twenty-six cheers for Uncle Sam, and his States, with a little touch o' Texas an Oregon, an choke me, if the varmints didn't foller up in sich a shout as set all the trees shakin.